What’s Love? Simply put. Deep affection. However every human that walks this earth has a perception of it. It is possibly the most overused yet misunderstood word there is. There’s a barometer that probably starts from one end of absolute lack of it let’s say Hitler to the epitome of Love Mother Teresa. Isn’t it strange that they both share the same personality type! (Source : personality.com)
To me conditional love has always sounded like a job that you employ a person for and in payment you offer them your love. However kindness and love are still first cousins and the lines between identity are blurred until inheritance comes to the picture. It is often easy to perceive one’s kindness as love and love as kindness until it comes to a moment of truth. Action.
Whenever though I have seen the various alternative forms of love, I have seen more conditions apply than any binding legal contract! No surprise that marriage, also is a legally binding contract. We choose people on the basis of our nurture and try and change them to our nature. So, do we truly love a person? Or is it possession with intent to sell an ideal to the world about our own love story!?
I have been in love and contrary to my original belief more than once. It is possible. It happens. I used to say “You only fall in love once, other times you’re just fantasising!”. Now I believe you’re almost always fantasizing in love. We romanticise the idea of monogamy, twinning of ideals, soul mates, soul flames and other bazillion constructed concepts when all we want is to find is a true partner. One that has the same growth trajectory and is going where we’re going hand in hand with us for companionship. Why lay rules laid out by ancient ancestors when they were never hit by today’s issues?
Love is Love even when you feel it for the dog who comes by your door for food each day. The deep rooted expectation of his arrival and the affection that makes you prepare yourself to share some food with him for his safety. That IS love. However, the dog will be forced to find food elsewhere if you decide to go on a trip leaving the dog hungry. Does the dog not love you anymore? Probably it still does. However it has been left one too many times to fend on it’s own. So, he doesn’t know whether to depend on you or not.
It is not a condition of being fed that makes the dog excited to see you but it sure helps the case. So, coming to the ultimate question. How Unconditional is Unconditional Love, Really? I have tried my hand at it and there seemed to be a condition that came by when I loved as a partner. It is only natural to want some control on your own life. The blurred lines between co-dependence and a healthy relationship are murky waters that need time to sediment the debris and sand separately into the crevices of depths of the ocean of care. That, then, with some space becomes a crystal blue shining water which waves can only stir at the surface never affecting the profundity.
Conditions don’t apply where there’s no hope of a long-standing relationship. Things don’t disturb the peace of individuals that partake in this form of what’s called ‘something casual’. Where there’s casual though, there are definitely casualties. ‘Nazar hati durghatna ghati’ (Accidents may occur if your attention gets diverted). The only way to maintain any relationship is through crisp communication and laying out boundaries. I have seen casual flings get married because somehow the conditional becomes the harbinger of the Unconditional Love. Fancy! Right!?
To conclude a rather verbose chapter on a rather overused concept, let me say, that ‘conditions’ are important to survive as an Individual. Be it charity, family, friendship, love, sex or dhoka; make sure you’re aware of your own boundaries and lay them firmly with scope of adjustment. Merging your sense of self and depending on another’s existence for validation will soon result in toxicity. So, find your own SELF. Define your own needs, goals and roles in order to find True Love starting with Self Love! For we may realise or not, there are always conditions, we can however find someone with the same ones and find Unconditional Love with them. Let conditions be conditioners to our relationships!
Sincerely, to the best of my ability,